If I asked myself these questions early on in my journey, I would have to answer "Yes" to all of the above. But why? After giving this some thought, I was taken back to my childhood. Taken back to a time when I was never really comfortable in my own skin. I was made to feel this way by others who said things to me like; "You think that you are cute because you are light skinned and have long hair!" WHAT??? Crazy right? Because of this narrow minded way of thinking by others, who I now recognize as having had their own personal insecurities; I was bullied and picked on often. It left me feeling ashamed of who I was. As a child, this can be a very tormented and lonely existence. Thankfully I had a loving family who supported and loved me through this torment. Funny thing though, I never actually shared how I felt with anyone. But God knew.
Growing up with this type of mindset proved to be detrimental for me in the area of relationships. Mainly because I did not fully love myself, plus at the time I did not have a personal relationship with God, so I searched for and settled for love in all the wrong places. I didn't realize that the love that I was seeking and longing for was always readily available and not from a "MAN." The way that I look at it, God was preparing me for something and He needed me to learn "whose and who" I am by going through the struggles and trials that resulted from the choices that I made. I can even remember, when the Holy Spirit clearly spoke to me in a particular situation but I didn't listen and the result was almost always one that ended in heartbreak.
I am so grateful that I finally woke up and realized that God is the source, the author and the finisher of all things! My relationship with God is more important than anyone or anything on this earth! Jesus I want you!